It's an awkward place to be in. There's a guy who is into you. SO into you. He's texting for a first date or possibly even contacting you for a second date. You think to yourself that it was a fun date or part of you thinks "what will it hurt?" to see him.
But you can't ignore the feeling that there is something missing. A feeling that there is something more out there. This little voice is saying that he or she isn't the person you have envisioned.
Does this sound familiar? You don't have to raise your hand. We know. You are not the first and it is a reoccuring theme among daters -- male and female.
What it comes down to is that dream girl or guy you have envisioned as being the perfect match for you (oh, and doesn't exist) is competing for your affection with the real life person standing before you. In order to see your match as being your potential dream partner, you have to get over two things: your dating expectations and your FOMO.
Letting Go of Dating Expectations
Your dream gal or guy was created without the usual crisises that arise during real relationships such as prior dating baggage, work schedules, long distances, conflicting political views and financial woes. The truth of it is, it is the bothersome elements and problematic issues of the mundane everyday that help a couple grow, bond and enhance their relationship. Loving someone even though they don't pick up their socks or have a habit of picking their teeth at the table is just one of the many hurdles to something deeper, richer and more fulfilling.
They key here is to know what your "deal breakers" are. What is important to you, such as having kids or being a hockey fan? What qualities are in your dream guy? If your top three or four top qualities are present, say yes to the date.
Give your date the benefit of the doubt and look beyond what they may lack or perhaps something you aren’t a fan of to see the genuine person they are. Opening your mind will open your heart to possibilities.
The Fear of Missing Out is a relatively new obsession. We text when we should be paying attention to the world around us because of the possibility of a social connection tops our safety. We interrupt a call with our bestie to take an incoming one, just in case it's important. We keep one eye on our Twitter stream or Facebook page during a first date, so we can be in on something fun, interesting or viral.
It's a chance to stay connected with the world, to be in the know. But you really aren't involved. More of a spectator to another world outside of the one where you are on the center stage.
The Fear of Missing Out on something or someone more interesting, exciting or better is what keeps us from saying yes to the date, taking the next step and leaping at the chance of love.
Dating is about getting to know another person. However, with modern technology, it is rare that we are getting to know just one person at a time. Instead, we are sifting through profiles, answering texts and meeting people with the swipe of a finger. To that end, singles seek to keep their dating options open for you never know who is just a click away.
In short, having many options makes the decision to pick one harder. It leads to second guessing your choice as to if it is the right one for you or if there is in fact a better one available. Many options lead to higher expectations for “the one,” meaning you aren’t willing to settle or work with someone who fails to meet all requirements on the checklist.
The truth of the matter is that no one will hit all of your preferences. Relationships aren’t about finding the person who fits your criteria for the one. It’s about finding the one that fits your values, traits and personality. Its about finding the person you will grow with and can relish shared moments with.
Stop looking at the options and start looking at the person. Until you narrow your focus on the one across the table from you, you will never see the true person they are.