It's Just Lunch Vancouver

Calling vs texting: Why singles text first despite their preference to pick up the phone

Technology has no doubt greatly shifted the landscape of dating as we know it. In fact, texting has become the new first step in dating. Despite this growing trend, most professionals singles still prefer the old-fashioned way of communicating with someone they are interested in with an actual phone call. But if so many singles prefer calling versus texting, then why are those same singles more likely to text someone first than to call them first despite their preferences?

In a recent survey, It's Just Lunch asked 2,901 singles about their dating and technology habits. The results revealed that although 72.4% of singles surveyed are more likely to text someone first after swapping numbers compared to 39.9% who are more likely to call first despite the fact that 65.8% of those same singles actually prefer to call compared to 40.9% of singles who prefer to text. It certainly came as no surprise to learn that the younger the single, the higher the preference for texting while the older the single, the higher the preference for calling.  Despite the differences in age, most singles all around definitely prefer calling over texting. It’s Just Lunch offers some possible reasons why so many singles are texting first despite their primary preference for calling.

Convenience. For professional singles who lead very busy lives, texting is a matter of convenience because it allows them to multi-task. They can send a text message while they are keeping busy at work, going out to lunch or heading toward the gym. It’s a quick and easy way to start a conversation.

Intimidation. When it comes to shy singles, texting creates a comfortable barrier between themselves and the person they may be too shy to connect with on a personal phone conversation. There’s also less pressure to be witty or quick on your feet when you have time to think before you text.

Fear of Rejection. Some singles, especially the younger generations of singles, are more likely to text someone first after swamping numbers because they can avoid blatant rejection. Getting turned down via text isn’t so bad compared to getting turned down over the phone. Additionally, some singles are easily discouraged by an unanswered or unreturned phone call.

Icebreaker. Other singles use texting as a strategic first move to help break the ice before placing the phone call. The rationale behind the icebreaker text is that it increases the probability of having your phone call answered by re-establishing the initial connection that instigated the phone number swap in the first place.

What about you? Do you prefer calling or texting? Does your actual behaviour reflect that preference? Now that you know more singles prefer calling over texting, how likely are you to change your dating behavior?

Email us to  weigh in your thoughts about dating and technology.

Professional Singles and Attraction

How many dates does it usually take for you to decide whether you are attracted to someone or not? It’s Just Lunch asked its Facebook community of professional singles and the answers varied between one and three dates.

Here at It’s Just Lunch, we realize that attraction plays a huge role in the chemistry of dating. In fact, when it comes to determining romantic chemistry, most of the busy professional singles we work with focus very heavily on physical attributes, especially those who look 10 years younger than their actual age as well as those with a strong commitment to fitness and health. It’s only natural to want to be matched up with someone who looks as good and fit as yourself.

The problem with this kind of attraction, however, is that it doesn’t take into account the kind of attraction that is built over a period of time the more you get to know someone. Since time isn’t exactly a luxury for busy singles dating, there are actually a few body language tricks you could use to create instant attraction with someone you are really interested in.

#1) Always smile. Smiles are almost as contagious as sneezes and lets your date know that you are friendly and inviting. Even if you aren’t sure what to say, a smile can go a long way letting your date know that you’re having a great time and enjoy their company.

#2) Keep an open posture. Good body language conveys more than just confidence. It also conveys interest. Are your shoulders and feet facing your date or the door? Are you arms crossed or resting comfortably at your sides? Pay attention to message you’re sending with your body.

#3) Maintain eye contact. Some say that the eyes tell no lies. You can make your date feel uneasy if you’re looking everywhere in the room but at him or her, or you can signal your attraction to your date with a lingering gaze.

#4) Mirror their body language. You can put your date at ease by mimicking their tone of voice or their body language to create an illusion of being in tune with each other. It’s a great way to build rapport with someone new making it easier to connect and communicate.

In general, just be mindful of the way you communicate with your date. Only a small percentage of communication occurs through the words we speak. More than half of all the talking is actually done with your body.

Finding a Mate tops this Years New Years resolution for Singles

The start of a New Year offers an ideal time for each of us to take a look at our lives, and make a few resolutions to enhance our existence! For many Canadians, losing weight, and cleaning up surroundings top the list. But for the millions of singles, finding their soul mate is usually Number 1.

So if this sounds like you, I would ask you to consider a new strategy to achieve your goal. As Einstein said, the definition of Insanity is Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. And as a matchmaker, I think this definitely applies to dating. 

An ever popular, and yet so unsuccessful strategy is to head out on New Years Eve with a few single friends, imbibe in the spirit of the night, and hope to ‘bump into that perfect mate’ who has eluded you all these years. If life were a fairy tale, then this would be a great strategy! If you are single, you may ever have tried this once or twice. But the probability in this complex world, that your future soul mate will just happen to be at the same bar at 11:59 pm New Years Eve is unfortunately highly unlikely. 

So I would recommend a more structured approach to such an important quest.

 One option would be to connect your goal of meeting someone, with another popular goal – getting in shape. There can be magic in this combination. So join a health club, or take up Yoga. You might just meet someone who at least shares your goal of a healthier lifestyle. And even if you don’t, you will be energized, feel better about yourself, and frankly, be a more attractive date.

 Increasingly, busy singles are looking to dating services to help increase their probability of finding a good match. And this time of year, the numbers support the popularity of this choice. Many online dating sites report traffic increases of 15-20%. 

Online dating sites typically provide an online profile of each member that can help you screen to what you perceive as a promising match. This can help you whittle the ‘thousands in your city’ down to ‘hundreds’. Just keep in mind that these profiles are self-authored, and may somewhat overstate the interests, attributes and activities. And with the large numbers now connecting through these sites, you may end up feeling like you have just signed up for a second job!

So for the truly busy, I would recommend they consider talking to a professional matchmaker. The advantage that this offers is that a real person, who is a specialist in matching couples, will get to know you, and work within their networks to find what they believe may be a great match. This can be a major advantage. Asking a dating expert to get to know you, and suggest matches that they believe could be a great fit for you, changes the game. Your personal ‘filters’ and ‘lists’, which may have led you to completely overlook potentially promising matches in your past, become less of a factor. And you may be surprised how much you enjoy being with a match selected just for you by a dating expert.

Another big plus is that most Professional Matchmakers will do all the logistic work for you, checking both your calendars, selecting a venue, and making the arrangements. So all you have to do is show up and have fun! And the better matchmakers will also follow up to get your thoughts on their latest match, to help guide their future selections.

And here is one interesting tidbit that I have observed over my years as a matchmaker. When I meet happily married couples who have been together at least 7 years, I often ask them if their spouse would have been on their initial ‘shopping list.’ And far more often than not, the answer is no. But when they met, they sensed chemistry and attraction. 

So if finding a mate is on your 2013 To Do List, get on it today.  But take some advice from both me, and Einstein, and try a different approach.

Remember…Valentines Day is just 6 weeks away!

Find your dream date on the flip side!

As matchmaker, I am always amazed at how many women come in with a ‘list’ that begins with height – “He must be 6’ tall or more!” Plus, he must be confident, intelligent, successful, fun, great looking, and he Must Love Dogs!

But the average Canadian male is 5’9”. So right away these smart, savvy women are eliminating well over 50% of the available male population. In fact, only 14% of men are 6’ tall or taller. So Ladies, your 6’ rule eliminated 86% of your matches. 

Now, I am known for my love of stylish shoes. My favourites just seem to come with 4-inch heels! And I know most women do like the idea that their man would still be a bit taller than them if they have their heels on. But the average Canadian woman is just 5’4”. So even with the 3” height enhancement of your rakish 4” stilettos versus the 1” heel of his typical male dress shoe, the average man would still be a comfortable 2 inches above ‘his woman’. 

What’s more Ladies, there are some pretty hot guys your list would exclude! For fun, I took a look at CBC’s 2011 Top 10 Hottest Guy survey. And of those Ten Hottest Guys, guess how many were less that your 6’ rule?

Six!  That’s right…6 out of the 10 Hottest Men. 60% of the Best of the Best! 

So come-on, would you really pass up a date with Scott Speedman, Allan Hawco, Jason Priestly, Seth Rogen, Sidney Crosby, or George Stroumboulopolis??? Not in this life. But yes Ladies, they are all shorter than 6’.  And your list excludes them.

And let’s check out Hollywood. Here are just some of the world’s most popular guys who measure 5’8” and under:

5’8”: Zac Efron, Mel Gibson, Jesse Bradford and Mark Walburg.

5’7”: Tom Cruise, Christian Slater, Ben Stiller, and Al Pacino

5’6”: Jack Black, Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood, and Woody Allen

5’5”: Michael J Fox, Dustin Hoffman, Bruno Mars, and Hawaii 5-0’s Scott Caan (Dano)

And at 5’4”, some of the sexiest: Emilio Estevez, Richard Dreyfus, and James Cagney - #8 on the American Film Institute all time list of screen legends!

 So what would I recommend? How about this as a start - Rip up your play list…and check out the flip side.  You will find a cornucopia of men…talented, witty, confident, hot, single, and they might even love Dogs! In most cases, they will still be taller than you, even with your heels on. And if they’re not, do you really care!

As Humphrey Bogart  (5’8”) once said, “Here’s lookin at you, Kid!”

Dating Meets the Canadian Cold Season

With November coming, we Canadians can count on 3 things: shorter days, colder weather, and the dreaded cold and flu season! The cold remedy ads are already ramped up to full and one by one we see our colleagues fall to ‘the worst cold ever’…at least for a few days. And yes, it messes up a lot of well-laid plans - especially, if you are a matchmaker setting up first dates!

Unfortunately, we all only get one chance at a first date. What if this is THE ONE…and I am coming down with a brutal cold? Do I take a double dose of Cold FX and pray I will be “ok” or do I risk altering the universe by postponing my perfect date?

Those questions run through the minds of most single people this time of year. And yes, while it is never nice to have a bad cold, it’s a lot more comforting when you are in a stable relationship, and can count on your mate to see you through.

But, it is our reality…so as a professional matchmaker, here is my best advice!

 Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That’s a good place to start.

• No one wants to catch a cold. And no one wants to go out with you if you are coughing, wheezing and sneezing.

• Most of us don’t like last minute cancellations.

• There is a tomorrow!

So the best plan is to contact your date as early as you can, and make an alternate arrangement.  Be sure they know you are disappointed!  Then, reconnect as soon as you are back on your feet.

But what if it hits you just as the date is about to start? That feverish flush, the tingling scalp… but they are already on their way.  Well, that is a tough call.  If it’s not too bad, maybe suggest a slightly quieter and relaxed venue. But if it’s really hitting you, then you will need to apologize, laugh about the misfortune, and stay in touch. The important thing is to be genuine, and ensure they know that you really did want to get together!

The other thing we Canadians know is that we will recover, the days will get longer, and hopefully your rescheduled date will go well!  Maybe next time your date can bring you some tea and a box of Kleenex!

Is Our Dating Life Already Hardwired Into Us?

We attempt to program our lives all the time-we DVR our favorite shows so we can watch them whenever and where-ever we want. We bookmark our favorite websites so we can visit them more conveniently. We even have  the numbers of our friends and family programmed in our cell phones, so we can reach them with just a touch of a button and never have to remember the actual number. But, have we been doing this with our dating life as well?

A while back we at It’s Just Lunch® conducted several important surveys on dating, that covered major topics impacting men and women’s decision to date certain people, such as career, education, and money. The results produced quite a stir and brought up thought-provoking ideas from the psychological, sociological, and professional communities about how we “choose” our partners and how specifically men and women differ in this area.

In a recent Wall Street Journal Article discussing our survey, Psychiatrist Scott Carroll said that the emerging field of evolutionary psychology views "dating upward" as being in-bred in females. "Current scientific thinking is that women's tendency to seek more successful males is part of a genetic survival program. The exceptions to this rule are when women will seek either a physically dominant male for physical protection or a more nurturing male if the woman is more masculine and highly successful herself."

Lawyer and blogger Chaton Turner disagreed. She said, "I think that it comes from conditioning as opposed to genetics." She added that she had always bucked the trend; dating a variety of men regardless of age, height, and wealth. 

So, what do you think? Visit us on our Facebook page to join the conversation. 

Geekology and Dating

Our gadget-obsessed, high-tech world has embraced the idea of “geek” as chic, whether it’s in television with hit shows like The Big Bang Theory or adding a pair of smart specs to your accessory bin. But how does this trend translate into the dating world? We discovered that the majority of people, 73% of men and 64% of women say nerdy qualities in a partner are cool, even normal for this day and age. But still, almost one out of four men and almost one out of three women think they would be turned off by someone who is a hard core geek. It’s Just Lunch’s take: Intelligence is definitely sexy. Show your geeky side, but don’t let it dominate—unless perhaps you’re with a fellow geek. It’s one thing to flex your brain, but if it leads to awkward behavior then you’re doing it wrong.

Long Distance Detour

So you’ve just met your PERFECT Match (Thank you It’s Just Lunch®!). You two connected from day one, the dates are flowing like Champagne (the real good stuff from France), and you feel like the pace of your relationship is at the perfect speed for your life right now (no nauseating NASCAR thrill rides but definitely not stuck in the slow lane either).

It’s all going great until you turn the corner and find an unexpected Detour sign: 

The PROMOTION. 

Speed-Limit Strictly Enforced 

With more time on the road without you, ahead. 

Your wonderful (and successful) someone is going to be traveling a lot more. Cue the gritting of teeth and the Journey songs. But before you throw up your hands and start desperately looking for an off-ramp, here are some real Detour Details.

In the first 3 months of dating. 37% of couples can find themselves in some sort of long distance relationship (versus the disgustingly happy couples that live in the same town).

In the first 6 months, that number can reach 42%. 

After 8 months, that number falls to 11%*.

The results of the complete study found that the staying power, of a compatible couple dealing with long distance, was just as strong as those couples who never were apart. So It’s Just Lunch® wants to let you know that long distance detours don’t mean the end of the dating road trip-just a change of scenery. 

 

*Study conducted by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships

The Three-Day Rule is Outdated

There’s an interesting process that many of us go through when meeting someone for the first time on a date—almost like an internal checklist. Are they physically my type? Do they communicate well? What are they doing with their lives, and if so, are they happy doing it? But then come a laundry list of other attributes we may notice in the course of getting to know someone. How do intangibles fit into the dating equation?

In our latest It’s Just Lunch dating survey, we covered a select number of intangibles out of countless traits that people may possess based on recent trends we’ve noticed. Let’s dive in:

 

The “Text-Back”

There is an outdated mode of thinking called the “three-day rule” that often prevents men (or women) from calling after the first date for fear of seeming desperate. Our thoughts? If you enjoyed your date and want to see this person again, why not just communicate those thoughts? So, is a text to your date that evening after your first meet up appropriate, or just too soon?

A majority of both men (57%) and women (64%) said a text setting up a second date would be cute and they would gladly text back. In fact, 24% of men would call back if they received a text from a date; 13% of women were also inclined to call. Only 18% of men and 22% of women suggested a same-evening text might be a little “too soon.”

It’s Just Lunch’s take: If you enjoyed your date, why wait? But don’t abuse communication; a slew of texts could be a signal you are desperate.

Does your career have an effect on your first dates?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we aren’t eating, sleeping, playing, or working out, the vast majority of us are working. In fact, nowadays Vancouverites work on average almost 8.6 hours per day. Even though we spend well over half of our waking lives at work, do we allow our careers to define who we are? More importantly, do we bring up our careers on a first date?

Employment Benefits According to the majority of our respondents, the question of one’s career on the first date is an inevitable topic of discussion, with 53% of both men and women saying they feel comfortable about bringing up the subject. However, 32% of men and 26% of women said they would only mention their careers in passing, but avoid the details, at least on a first date.

So, do you bring up your career on a first date? Why not? Your career path is certainly a valuable insight in to who you are as a person. However, don’t let it dominate the entirety of the conversation. On the other hand, acting completely aloof about your career will make you seem a bit cagey.

Traditional Ideals or 21st Century Living?

Interestingly enough, men and women end up diverging when it comes to ideas about career paths, money, and unemployment or underemployment. Our survey uncovered a mix of attitudes between the sexes that suggested longstanding traditional thoughts about who should provide in a relationship, yet also demonstrate modern ideas about the “career-oriented couple.”

Consider this: do we want to date someone with similar professional aspirations in mind? For men, the concept split fairly evenly, with 49% saying they would like to date a woman on a similar track, and with 51% saying similarities in careers do not matter as much. For women, however, the stakes were slightly different. A clear majority of women (68%) said they prefer to date a man with similar career aspirations.

It’s even more interesting when it comes to the question of money. Women have a more egalitarian approach to the question of who earns what. While the majority of men, over 71%, wouldn’t care if they deduced their date made far less money than them, women were more split on the issue. About 22% said they wouldn’t care if they made more money than their date. Yet, 47% of women surveyed said it would be a bit of a concern to them and a further 24% said it presented a big concern. In summary, when it comes to earning money in the 21st century world, there’s something to be said about being on equal footing. After all, we’re well past Mad Men and Downtown Abbey-era thoughts on employment.